Answered Prayer

Remember this post?  The issue of identity in the things other than Christ has always been a struggle for me.  It manifests itself pretty strongly in my involvement in the boys’ home in Puerto Alegria, Peru.  I tend to throw myself so completely into it, thus creating an identity that is way too closely intertwined with them.  I forget that I am first a child of God, THEN I am a Spanish-speaker/teacher.

This can get sticky when things down there don’t work out as you planned.  For example, you get there and a child you have devoted yourself to praying for and loving is gone.  Or perhaps you get there and aren’t received like you thought you’d be.  You find yourself feeling desolate and confused.  What’s my purpose now?  There are a million different reasons why putting your identity in earthly things just doesn’t work.

Before this past trip, I prayed.  A lot.  I prayed that I would be able to love them with the love of Christ, not with my own, self-seeking, satisfaction-needing love.  I prayed that whatever happened when I got there, I’d be able to love them because of and through Christ, not my own efforts.  God really answered my prayers.  This trip was different.  I wasn’t anxious of how I would be received.  I didn’t feel a need to win anyone’s approval.  I was just there to love.  That’s it.  Ahhh.  Sweet relief.  Praise be to God.

“The saint who is intimate with Jesus will never leave impressions of himself, but only the impression that Jesus is having unhindered way, because the last abyss of his nature has been satisfied by Jesus.”  –Oswald Chambers

Here’s a few pictures I took with my SWEET new camera!

Junior blowing bubbles.

Nixon, who let me pat him on the back for the first time. Some of these kids have been so hurt by the adults in their lives that they won't allow themselves to feel or receive love. Praise God for changes in his heart.

Oriel. He has grown so much! Check out the post linked to above to see an older picture of him.

Edward is new to Puerto Alegria. 9 years old and has come from a life on the streets. My prayer is that he STAY. I know that those who arrive from the streets often go back to the "freedom" of the streets. Pray with me that he stays where he can be loved and fed.

Luis, now five years old.

Ronald, who has been close to my heart since my very first trip.

Identity Crisis Continues

Will I ever stop putting my identity in things other than Christ?  It feels like a battle that cannot be won.  (Remember this post? And this one?)

We’ve been studying the story of Mary and Martha (Luke 10:38-42) this week.  In reading over it last week before church, I could see myself so clearly in Martha.  Joel’s sermon only confirmed it. You see, Mary was content to sit at Jesus’ feet.  She was content to SIT and listen to his Words. Martha was not satisfied to just be in Jesus’ presence.  She needed to be DOING something for him.  But, I don’t think it was for HIM.  I think it was for HER.  I know because she is ME.

This battle for me lies mostly in my ministry to the boys at the home in Puerto Alegria.  I so desire for my time with them to be an overflow of love for Jesus.  That I would be so fixed on Him, that it would just spill out onto them.  But, frankly, it just isn’t.  My time with them is mostly an overflow of love for THEM.  This seems good, at first.  But then, it rears it’s ugly head when they don’t love ME back.  When they don’t respond to ME in the way that I want them to.  Then the awful realization dawns on me: I have made THEM my object of worship, not HIM.  It’s not for Christ and His glory at all, it’s for me and my own satisfaction.  If it were unto the Lord, and not unto THEM, then it wouldn’t matter so much to me how they respond to me, because it is unto HIM.

Then, perhaps, I wouldn’t come back from Peru so completely depressed and down and out because I feel I have left my purpose right there on the banks of the Itaya River.  You see, my purpose is Christ.  My ministry is knowing and loving Christ, wherever I am.

“Wretched [woman] that I am, who will deliver me from this body of death?” (Rom 7:24)

Oriel, who "loves" me and always responds in the way I "need" him to.

 

Hox, who can be so tender, (like in this picture) yet at times can utter words that, if you don't have the right perspective, will cut you down to the core. (PS--He's also the "cameraman" in the last video post)